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Oct 08Week 9 NFL picks.
San Francisco has a bye week, so I get to share this gem up top.
At halftime of that game, [new San Francisco 49ers coach Mike] Singletary called for the attention of his players. He then dropped his pants, turned around and pointed to his backside. He used this occasion and that visual to describe what happened to his team in the first half [Getting its ass kicked, not crapping its pants. Probably. -M].
A NFL source inside the room confirmed the story [...] and added that Singletary then addressed the team for 3-4 minutes with his pants around his ankles.
Better than I’d possibly hoped for. The full story’s here. As always, picks in bold after the jump.
Last week: 7-7
Overall: 67-49
New York Jets @ Buffalo Bills
Deanna Favre’s “defense” of her husband went like this:
Brett was angry and hurt with the way things ended, but how could he not be? Brett gave most of his career (and his adult life) to the Packers. They were more than just an organization but also became our home away from home and our surrogate family. [...] Again, how could any of us not be hurt and brokenhearted about such a loss of connection? Thus, certainly, Brett does not, in any way, hold a vendetta against his former team.
An “OMG HOW COULD U SAY THAT I HATE U :-0″ text message to Peter King would have been more effective. Anyway, Brett Favre sucks, and Buffalo is the better team.
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Cincinnati Bengals
Marvin Lewis still has a job.
Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns
I was just talking about this with Andy the other day–Derek Anderson is still the Browns starter, despite completing less than 50% of his passes. Yes, Braylon Edwards is dropping passes as if the football were covered in spiders, but Anderson has never been accurate. Is it because the rest of the schedule has some quarterback-killer defenses…or because Romeo Crennel is afraid of losing his job? And if so, how is sticking with Anderson a good idea?
Houston Texans @ Minnesota Vikings
The Vikings are the Titans, only without a good coach or a decent secondary. Normally, I’d bet on the team that can run the ball, but Rex Grossman Kyle Orton threw four two touchdowns against the Vikings. The point is, they’re not that good. I think Matt Schaub, Steve Slaton and Kevin Walter get it done, even without Andre Johnson.
Detroit Lions @ Chicago Bears
Speaking of Kyle Orton, how about that guy? He’s really turned it on this year, and is an…average quarterback. I guess mediocrity after three years of astoundingly terrible performance should earn you something. Maybe a bus pass. Gas card?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Kansas City Chiefs
After last week’s tough loss, Jon Gruden orders his offense to run up the score in a fit of rage and the Bucs score 27 points.
Arizona Cardinals @ St. Louis Rams
Also known as the Immobile Quarterback Facing a Horrendous Defense Bowl. Bet the over in this one. I wouldn’t be surprised to see three 70+ yd touchdown passes.
Green Bay Packers @ Tennessee Titans
Chris Johnson and LenDale White rank 4th and 15th, respectively, in FO’s DYAR standings, while Green Bay is ranked 29th against the run. Al Harris’ spends his first game back from injury watching Kerry Collins throw thirty passes to his tight ends and running backs.
Miami Dolphins @ Denver Broncos
Here’s a fun bit of trivia–Chad Pennington has thrown for only 152 fewer yards than Jay Cutler on 52 fewer attempts. Champ Bailey, best* defender on an abysmal Broncos defense, is out. The Dolphins have been solid enough against the run, if not the pass.
* And he’s not even that good anymore.
Dallas Cowboys @ New York Giants
The Cowboys aren’t giving Brooks Bollinger more time in practice because they think he’s better than Brad Johnson, they just need warm bodies to feed to the four-headed monster that is the Giants defensive line.
Philadelphia Eagles @ Seattle Seahawks
You can only throw so many bombs to your fullback. Philly’s blitz schemes should confuse Seneca “Seven Career NFL Starts” Wallace.
Atlanta Falcons @ Oakland Raiders
I absolutely hate Ian Eagle and Solomon Wilcots, the CBS broadcast crew tabbed for all-too-many Ravens, Redskins and Eagles games. During last week’s Ravens-Raiders tilt, you could have made a blackout-inducing drinking game with the number of times they reminded us that Rex and Rob Ryan are brothers. Which might make the commentary tolerable. Anyway, Oakland should put eight in the box and lock Nnamdi Asomugha on Roddy White at all times. But that won’t happen, so the Falcons will win.
New England Patriots @ Indianapolis Colts
The old “who wants it more?” game. That’s a crutch and a stupid reason to ever bet on anything, by the way.
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Washington Redskins
The Redskins injury list keeps growing. One of these days, Jason Taylor (Whoops, sorry. Hey, how’s that Jason Taylor thing going? He’s still hurt? And one sack this season?) Campbell’s going to throw a few interceptions one of these Sundays, and the Steelers pass-rush seems likely to force them.
Tagged: football, humor, NFL, sports