antimeria

I was pretty happy with last week, all things considered. I went 12-2, won the office pool and ended up making about $40 on my bets. But on the big wheel turns, and I’ll end up going 3-11 or so. Not too much to say this week–Katy’s been sick and coughing at regular intervals at night, so I’m pretty sleep-deprived. Luckily, thanks to the NFL network’s douche-tastic broadcast policy, I don’t have a way to see tonight’s game at home, so I’ll just catch up on sleep.

Last week: 12-2
Overall: 90-54

New York Jets at New England Patriots
The Jets are holding opponents to 76 yards a game and 3.2 yards per carry, thanks to super-powered fat man Kris Jenkins. Matt Cassel has been competent this season, but it’s thanks to scheme more than talent. At some point tonight, Jenkins is going to force Cassel to heave up a dead pigeon of a pass, which just-signed Ty Law will pick off after taking ten seconds to run to the spot. The announcers will then gush over Law’s “crafty veteran-ness” and “nose for the ball.”

Denver Broncos at Atlanta Falcons
Matt Ryan will complete 90% of his passes, and Michael Turner and Jerious Norwood should combine for something like 400 yards. But just a quick note, Fox pregame heads: Matt Ryan vs. Joe Flacco is not a Manning vs. Brady debate. Yet.

Houston Texans at Indianapolis Colts
Last week I finally picked a Colts game right, after only nine tries. Thanks to a NYGiants-Indy parlay, it was also nicely profitable. Anyway, Sage Rosenfels gives another game away despite more Andre Johnson heroics, and Indianapolis is back in the wild-card hunt at 6-4.

Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars
Despite Jacksonville’s reputation as a smashmouth team with a solid defense, they haven’t been all that good, especially against the pass. They won’t hold Chris Johnson to 20 yards. And as we saw last week, Kerry Collins can throw if he has to.

Oakland Raiders at Miami Dolphins
Once again, Nnamdi Asomugha will see no passes thrown his way, the Wild Porpoise will gain large chunks against an overpursuing Oakland defense, and Shane Lechler, the only other Raider “weapon,” will be largely negated by a few long Ted Ginn, Jr. punt returns.

Baltimore Ravens at New York Giants
Flacco’s lack of pocket presence is going to be a killer against New York’s stellar defensive line, and Plax and Toomer will beat the undersized Ravens secondary repeatedly. That said, I’d be pretty happy to be wrong about this one. I also wish this were the Sunday night game—I’d love to see Brandon Jacobs vs. Terrell Suggs in super-slow-mo.

Detroit Lions at Carolina Panthers
Panthers on the road: 2-2. Panthers at home: 5-0. Lions anywhere: 0-9. Sometimes it’s just that easy.

Philadelphia Eagles at Cincinnati Bengals
Here’s a great article detailing the Eagles failure to bring in a true fullback and their resulting troubles converting in short-yardage situations. One more thing you can lay on Andy Reid’s rubbery shoulders, given that he’s in charge of most personnel decisions. Luckily, Reid’s problems pale in comparison to the Fall of the House of Lewis going on in Cincinnati.

Chicago Bears at Green Bay Packers
The Packers’ run defense is generally pretty bad, as is their coverage of tight ends/running backs, and the Bears don’t throw too many passes to their wide receivers. No matter who’s playing quarterback for da Bears, they’ll have a pretty conservative gameplan. Oh, and the Packers’ offense managed only 184 net yards against the Vikings. The Vikings!

New Orleans Saints at Kansas City Chiefs
I can’t stop picking this team. To put it simply, New Orleans is Lucy, and I am Charlie Brown, and this column is a football. And good grief, I always end up flat on my back. But this time…

Minnesota Vikings at Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Another team I have trouble picking correctly. Tampa wasn’t ever dominant, and now their patched-together offense is coming apart. Peterson’s back in dominating form, and could threaten for the single-season rushing record if he stays healthy.

St. Louis Rams at San Francisco 49ers
I’m convinced that Mike Singletary is trying to make sure he never has to be a head coach again. He didn’t want the gig in the first place, and he’s sure not acting like a guy who wants to keep his job. But the Rams have quit on Haslett, as they should. I think we should just change this game into an American Gladiators episode pitting Frank Gore against Steven Jackson.

Arizona Cardinals at Seattle Seahawks
Yes, it took a last-second stop against the 49ers to seal Arizona’s last win, but the Hawks can’t keep up with any of the Cardinals receivers. Incidentally, I recently found out that Matt is not married to The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck (she’s married to his brother, Tim), which increased my opinion of him a lot.

San Diego Chargers at Pittsburgh Steelers
Pittsburgh’s offensive line is putrid, but the Chargers defense is equally bad. Expect a lot of running from Willie Parker (maybe) and Mewelde Moore to keep the game close—Roethlisberger’s arm isn’t nearly 100%, and if he has to throw 42 passes again, even the Chargers will capitalize.

Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins
Terence Newman and Tony Romo are back. Portis is out, and the Redskins line looks banged up. Do you really want to bet on Shaun “Cut back, stutter step and fall down” Alexander? No, you do not.

Cleveland Browns at Buffalo Bills
Brady Quinn got a JV start last week, Shaun Rogers should pulverize the middle of the Bills line, Josh Cribbs can break a return or two, and it’s time to admit that Trent Edwards isn’t a precocious youngster who can do it all himself. It’s also time to admit that Dick Jauron’s offense is as exciting as watching snow melt. On the other hand, Jaws thinks the Browns have quit trying. Any way we can get flex scheduling for Monday nights?