23
Oct 08Week 8 NFL picks.
I picked above .500 for the first time in three weeks, the Ravens won big on the road and my degenerate gambling habit actually made me money. A good week, all things considered, and the future holds high-def sideline shots of Samurai Mike’s crazy eyes and the possibility of a losing record for the Dallas Cowboys. As always, picks in bold, starting after the jump. Fat jokes ahoy!
Last week: 9-5
Overall: 60-42
Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys
Are the Bucs the league’s least-interesting team? Is the boring, check-down-as-primary-option offensive strategy catching on? (Answers: Maybe, I really hope not)
Washington Redskins at Detroit Lions
The Lions came back last week because the Texans can’t close out games, not because of Dan “What line?” Orlofsky’s athletic prowess.
Buffalo Bills at Miami Dolphins
How ‘bout that Wildcat, Miami? Eh? Eh? Another solid run defense will shut down the unconventional rushing attack and columnists will spend countless pixels deriding it as a gimmick, only to have it explode against the Broncos for 4000 yards. The lesson? Don’t believe the hype, the anti-hype backlash, or Joey Porter. Believe the spread.
St. Louis Rams at New England Patriots
It’s quite possible the Pats could have a 10-6 record when things are all done, with a sked that includes the Rams, Dolphins, Seahawks, Raiders and Cardinals. Bulger hasn’t thrown for 200 yards in a game this season, so don’t look for him to light up the suspect Patriots’ secondary.
San Diego Chargers “at” New Orleans Saints
Excluding a fluky last-second loss to the Vikings, New Orleans has won at home and lost on the road. This Saints “home” game is in Wembley Stadium. Well, sure, there isn’t really a road between New Orleans and London, but…back to the meat of the issue: why isn’t anyone talking about the collapse of San Diego’s defense this year? It can’t just be Merriman’s absence–did they all go off the juice?
Kansas City Chiefs at New York Jets
There has to be a spit-take joke in here somewhere (the story is actually pretty hilarious). Herm’s post-game press conference will be must-see TV, and a beer ad in ten years.
Atlanta Falcons at Philadelphia Eagles
Both teams are coming off a bye. I imagine that Falcons coach Mike Smith used it to add game-specific wrinkles to his gameplan, while Andy Reid spent his time coming up with new doughnut toppings (nothing powdery—it gets stuck in his moustache).
Arizona Cardinals at Carolina Panthers
Both quarterbacks yo-yo from good to awful and both teams have good rookie running backs, but the Panthers haven’t had to stop someone like Larry Fitzgerald yet. My guess? Even if Anquan Boldin can’t play, Fitzgerald and Steve Breaston will shred the Panthers secondary.
Oakland Raiders at Baltimore Ravens
Is shutting up really that hard for Terrell Suggs? In the last week, he’s unveiled both the “Troy Smith 4 Prez/Starter” bit and the fact that the Ravens have a bounty on Pittsburgh receiver Hines Ward. Doesn’t sound like much has changed in that locker room. Anyway, JaMarcus Russell is completing 51% of his passes and blah blah blah, Ravens #1 run defense.
Update: Brian Billick, who never met a microphone he didn’t like, thinks that bounties are pretty much ok.
Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans
Back in week 5, I wrote,
“Attention Marvin Lewis: Because you yanked Carson Palmer for Whatever-his-name-is at the last second, I plan to bet against your team* for the next twelve weeks straight.
* Until you get fired after week 8, at which point it will be someone else’s team.”
One more week.
Cleveland Browns at Jacksonville Jaguars
Braylon Edwards had four or five more drops last week. Derek Anderson didn’t help much, but the point is there’s plenty of blame to go around. No more pork chops, though–Crennel got to those. I hear he’s a stress eater.
New York Giants at Pittsburgh Steelers
I’d believe if the Steelers had a big guy in the backfield who could just lunge forward and knock the Giants’ undersized linemen back (aside from Ben Roethlisberger). Parker and Moore can both be brought down pretty easily, and Najeh Davenport seems to have crapped the basket again completely disappeared.
Seattle Seahawks at San Francisco 49ers
Samurai Mike’s crazy eyes in HD! Aside from that…oof.
Indianapolis Colts at Tennessee Titans
You know what you’ll get from the Titans this season: excellent defense, good running game, respectable pass attack. This game depends on the up-and-down Colts shutting down two solid running backs, jumping out to a lead and making Kerry Collins throw the ball. I think they can do it, but fair warning: I haven’t picked a Colts game right yet this season.
Want more? Well then (masochist), some of my work buddies make their picks here.